Oh my, I'm getting so many requests from comments and emails to do the post I said I will do.

I will, I really will, and thank you all for trusting that I'll handle it sensitively. BUT I'll deal with it soon. It's obviously more relevant than I realised to so many people.

I'll make some observations though, looking through my mails. One is, It's the ladies who are more open and think it's a good idea. Almost three-to-one. Why is that?

Another thing that's puzzling me is that fellas seem to get more grumpy - about anything really.
At the risk of falling out with him, one chap even suggested that I'm too humorous and even 'disrespectful'. His point was, that if you're stroked, it's a serious matter that I shouldn't be flippant about. Particularly about 'That'. Have to admit that made ME grumpy.

'That' is why I wanted to post anyway. It's something partners do. It's an important part of a relationship.

Tired, tired eve tonight.

I want to keep awake for my Bear, who at half past 8 at night, wants me to eat. Which is right.
I should.

But, I will. But, phew.

I know what'll happen when I eat. Boing, I'm gone. Sleep city.

My last post ? I'll be with that in a couple of days. Promise

Sex and Stroke.

Well, there's a shock headline for you :)

But seriously, it's a difficult subject to tackle - and I've been married for over 20 years, a little more of than half of them stroked. But it's an important part of life, whether you're in a relationship or not. If that makes any sense. Yeah, I'm aware that people have personal, moral, and religious, views about discussing the subject, but I've no intention of provoking a discussion, just putting a personal view. I've no wish to offend anyone.

And being an important part of a relationship, there's some things I'd like to say. So it's over to you.

Can I share my experience? Carefully, of course.

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After a few hours reflection, and to be honest, a few draft posts I wasn't at all happy with, I've decided to wait a little while and put it in my 'to-do' book. I think I should cover it at some point though, because, though a leaflet should be available from the British Stroke Association, (see my links sidebar) it's always out of print.

I'd rather cover it properly, than jot random thoughts , as I've found it's such a hidden, but a very important but difficult topic for stroke affected couples.

Two Wheels on my wagon....

It's about 2am Uk time, the family are all asleep. I'd like to say they're ALL in bed, but 11 year daughter ( "DON'T Call Me Tots, Pops! I'm Too Old Now!" ) has decided to crash out on a chair.

Heh, "don't call me Tots" indeed. I'll be calling her that when she's thirty, god willing. Our other two were just about to hit the 'terrible' teens when she surprised us with her appearance. That serves me right for marrying someone 10 years younger than me! (Only joking Pads -aka The Bear - honest :) ). Why do I call 'The Mrs' Pads? Because she looks like, and wears a hat like, Paddington Bear.

So its Totsies favourite blanket chucked over her - the purple one, not the 'scratchy' pink one I like :) All grown up eh? Chuckle!

It's so important to me, as a stroke survivor, to have my family around me. To be honest, if I didn't, I'd be looking to belong to some sort of community. I'd be totally lost alone.

Sure, I grumble, yup, I can be a bad tempered and cussed 'ol Wheelie, and yes, I love privacy. But I'd hate to devalue the support I have from family and friends. And gosh, I know who my friends are now. The friends I have now are the ones who insist on being my friend whether I like it or not.

Stroke-wise, I'm one of the lucky ones. My first was a cerebellar stroke - I think that's right - top of the brain stem, back of the head -there are two that sound the same, I can never get it right :) I fall over a lot :) subsequent ones have being smaller and left sided, which I sorta recover from, but the effect has been a lot of loss of permanent function on my right side.

Why? Who knows. Luck of the draw I guess.

But there's a dark side that people don't like to talk about. The periods of inexplicable confusion. I'm not 'allowed' out alone. Well, I suppose I could. But it wouldn't be wise. Does Bear complain she has to accompany me? Heck no - she complains I don't go out enough!

I can be doubly incontinent. Bear has never batted an eyelid. Just gets on with it. Always has. I can be embarrassed as I like - but as far as she's concerned, that's my problem, not hers :) So she's there cleaning me and - anything - up, and washing clothes - and well, you get what I mean.

The family won't allow me to eat alone, because they worry I'll choke. But they don't hover over me - they just make sure someone is there. Just in case.

I drop some something - whoosh, someone is there to pick it up. I can get mood swings, and she laughs with me when I'm 'up' and if I get tetchy, the worst reaction I'll get is a sticking out of the bottom lip and an owl-like stare..... I fall over, and the kids shout "hey Mum, Dads saying 'hello floor' again" And she's there. Sure she says "silly old sod", but she's there.

Enough for now. I realise in many ways I'm spoiled having people who care around me, and I'm often left feeling dreadfully selfish. But on the other hand, I'd say to anyone in a similar position, that it's good to strive to be independent, and work hard to be so. But its good to let go and appreciate the value of a caring community around you too.

Gotta go. Tots has kicked her 'blanky' off :)

ps (about 18 hrs later) You guys must think I'm awful not replying to comments. I'm not ignoring you, it's just I don't know what to say - except, thank you. Thank you very much.

I see your true colours, shining through...

This was originally a reply to a comment, but I decided it was such an important point, it was worth a post.

Gaining independence is tough. Your stuck between a rock and a hard place.

On one hand, you need the support of the loved and be loved, on the other hand, telling them to back off a bit to give you time to think and work things out feels awful.

After all, they're only trying to be loving and helpful. But often by doing so - they aren't being either, bless them. But you don't want to alienate them. I have to admit, it's something I can do without.

It doesn't help that brain attacks affects everyone in different ways, and they seem to have an image of someone who loses their intelligence. Yes, sometimes, and often, to some extent that CAN be true, but not always and not all the time......

A distant relative, who I've not seen for some years died recently at an advanced age. I was shocked at a photo I was shown of him about a year before he died. He'd had a left sided stroke 10 years before. He'd been a strong, well built but not overweight man, and very active and very sociable.

The photo I was shown was of a man who'd become a shadow. Thin, Anorexic, uncommunicative, Talking to his carer, his daughter, she confirmed he'd "given in". He didn't "want to know".

It's hard to decide whether it's a lack of family support - though his immediate family tried their best - was it enough? A lack of support from social services ? Medic support? Maybe even prejudice?

My view it was bit of everything. So be on guard. Be important to yourself. Love, and be loved, and however hard it is, don't demean yourself.

Me bad....

Not really supposed to drink. I mean, heck, the amount of medication I have to consume, and the gosh only knows what effect that has on an already weird chemical mix.

But heck. I have to admit to a couple of cans of lager now and again - Gosh tho' don't the medics make you feel guilty about it? I have to admit though I get a perverse pleasure in just doing SOMETHING 'wrong' now and again. All good fun :)

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Chill out day today. My teens are doing what teens do best. It's called 'out'.

11-going-on-18 is 'out' too, but I can forgive her that. She's at that wonderful pyjama party age, the Tots is, and unlike the others, she still calls me daddy. That lets her off the hook, lol :) I fell asleep on the sofa last night, and she insisted on sleeping in a chair nearby. Felt like being in a Jama party myself.

So when I was watching a repeat of a repeat of Cagney and Lacey at 6 am, her half asleep grumbling that I had it on too loud and could I "knock it down a bit" was so sweet.

Kids, eh? :)

These small strokes seem to take longer to recoup from every time. It's always been 4 steps forward 2 steps back for while. But I'm puzzled why it seems to at least another half a step back this time. Their isn't any more medication I can take - I'm on everything already, and then some.

Lifestyle choices are at optimum, likewise cholesterol and Hba1c, and everything. Diet is spartan, but good. I've been getting up an hour earlier at 04:50 to ensure one of my girls gets up for work at 05:30, and perhaps I've been pushing the weight-training a bit hard - but I'm loath to cut back on exercise.

Just goes to show that there's only so much you do before you have to let the old bod get on with it's stuff :)

Hey, but, no, but....

I've had the deeply amusing experience of someone speaking to me v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.

I thought the poor chap had some sort of disability - until I realised that he thought he was being helpful. If I have one fault, it's that I speak quickly, if a little slurred.

That's because my pet hate is those who, again trying to be helpful, finish off my sentences for me.

That stopped being funny when I had to concentrate very hard not to pause long enough to allow someone to jump in. It wouldn't be so bad if they don't throw in wild guesses, and worse, multiple wild guesses. But people do... Besides, they wouldn't really want to get inside my head. They'd need wellies on.... *sigh*

Have you ever come across the "Does he take sugar?" syndrome? When some ignores you, talks past you or over the top of your head to a partner or carer? One of the advantages to having a deep voice that carries, is the perverse pleasure I get from watching the shock and awe when I say quietly "No, he doesn't, one sweetener, top pocket, thank you" :)

A lot of these started amongst my own kith and kin -and it took me ages to train them out of these odd habits, but it taught me an important lesson. If you have a disability, you really have to learn to be forthright and assertive. Otherwise you'd go slowly bonkers :)

Someone commented to me that I should "thank my lucky stars that I get any social interaction at all." A fair point. I have friends, and a family (wife and three kids last time I checked). I don't get out much - I can't walk very far and I'm not allowed to drive.

I'm an intensely private person, but somehow managed to become a father. As for friends, I just kinda made them along the way. It's hard not to be socially interactive when you have a busy, bustling and loving family around you, and my extended family and friends have just had to accept that since I don't get out often to see them, they just have to come and see me if they want time with me. Thanks to the tinternet and the mobile phone, that is now so much easier.

I get the occasional opinionated fruitcake who'll say daft things like "you can do anything if you put your mind to it" or "It's all about willpower and mind over matter". Yes thanks, I know, I operate on that principle 18 from 24 hrs a day. The rest I'm asleep. Now, if they'd like to swap bodies....no? Thought not.

There's a teeny element of truth in such truisms tho'. My heart goes out to peeps isolated by disability. I couldn't imagine life without me and mine,

Cya :)