UFO's

I'm an amateur astronomer.

An astronomer without a telescope at the mo. Which is downright annoying, and likely to remain annoying for quite some time because the replacement I want costs £450, and I've just had to pay nearly £300 quid out. Stupid washing machines.

Not like washing machines are essential is it? That's what t'bath and yer feet are for, I tried to explain to my Bear. She wasn't having any of it. Very adamant she was. I put on my best Barry White voice (I can do that) - well, it worked 25 years ago - and she still wouldn't budge. Then she stuck her bottom lip out. Uh, ho. Women, eh? Now I remember why I call her The Bear.....

So, Plan B. Post it notes. Everywhere. On all the mirrors. She likes her mirrors does my lass. Bigger ones appear every year. On the fridge, of course. I believe the master stroke is the one I put in her knicker drawer, in thick black felt tip, entitled NOTE TO SELF. Pure genius. She'll think it's her idea, see? Still, I'll check the paper-recycle-bin later. Just in case.

Never known a woman with so many knickers.......

I tried to point out that if a had a decent programmable 'scope, I would have been able to prove that the bright orange, flickering light drifting about 500 ft (she says) overhead we saw, was not, as she claims, "Another Bloody Chinese Lantern" ^*1 .

Admittedly, we live near the top of one of Sheffield's seven famous hills, and we do see a lot of them on the way to set fire to the crops in the fields we can see in the distance. She says I'll just have to keep building "that shrine (I'm) building to worship our incoming alien masters".

Since I'm in the middle of a telescope crisis, and can't tell the difference between sarcasm and irony, I gave her a Blank Look. But, and I'm not being paranoid here, honest, I'm going to check my locked tin under her bed ^*2 to make sure no-ones disturbed my dossier, invasion plans, check book stubs from 1983, and planning application.

Where was I? Ah. If you should see odd lights in the sky over the next couple of weeks, it's probably..

A copper chopper.
A "Bloody Chinese Lantern"
A UFO. Tip. UFO does not mean little gray persons. It means Unidentified Flying Objects. Unidentified . Flying. Object. Got that ? :)

More likely the Perseids meteor shower. In theory, it begins August 12th every year. It's when the path of the earth passes through a cloud of debris from the 109P/Swift-Tuttle Comet. Discovered in 1862, Swift-Tuttle is called "periodic" because it makes a pass through our solar system about every 133-135 years leaving behind a debris trail. More information here - and honest, it's quite interesting :)

The reason there'll be a burst of UFO reports is because like any debris trail, if you can imagine, is like, to quote Monty Python, as the Earth passes through it, side to side, it's like a Brontosaurus. It's thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and thinner at the other. I hope I'll be spending many a happy night on a sun bed staring skywards over the next couple or three weeks with a bottle of wine. heck, if I'm very lucky, I catch some on camera :)


*1 Chinese Lantern. Upside. Released for weddings, parties. Consist of a wire framework usually covered in toughened paper on a wire frame, with a suspended basket with a shielded heat source, normally an oversized 'night light'. Tip :- If you must use the damn things, hold it down until the 'envelope' fills with hot air , otherwise it'll just go sideways and set your hut on fire.

Downside. You can't control where they land. They drive Ufologists crazy. If your into 'alien' spotting, look. If it's hard to see, usually orange or reddish, and flickers, it's one of these monkeys. They burn crops, the wire gets eaten by cows, sheep and goats, and kills them. They cost farmers thousands of pounds/dollars. No fun.

*2 Her bed. Well, am I right? Isn't it always?

Strange

We had a few friends around for a few drinks and some music, and some of the fella's got into quite an aggressive mutually inclusive discussion that was bluntly racist.

Their wives and girlfriends disagreed. Don't misunderstand me I've come across it before. But I'm from a working class generation where we didn't & don't care less about crap like that. Or gay, or straight, or fat - or green. Or anything in between. But I was shocked at the intensity of it. People getting Jobs/Houses/Cars/ because of their skin colour? Rubbish.

They all have internet access. They can all check immigration policy on .gov.uk?

So I found myself pig-in-the-middle. It's kinda weird. How the heck can a non-racist be married to a raciest or homophobic?

It was quite distressing. Any ways, thumbs up to the ladies.

Herbs and Spices.

But not for cooking.

I daily have to take a concoction of modern pharmaceuticals. A necessary evil.

But one day, looking around a Chemist, (pharmacy) while 'Er 'Indoors was paying for a tummy-ache medicine for one of the (then) little 'uns, I thought, hey. I can do that. Free.

Now, 'free' to a Yorkshireman, is a very, very interesting word. Which does not include Tesco Points by the way.

And so, someone who would almost certainly have been burnt at the stake a few hundred years ago, was born.

A discovery of herbs and spices, pickles and poultices, sauces and salves. But not, absolutely not, anything that means diluting anything to the nth degree. That to me is a faith issue, and I don't argue with people of faith. Faith is the hope of that yet unseen. To quote Paul of Tarsus.

For everyday cut's and bruises, headaches, tummy aches, there are lots of common garden herbs, plants, supermarket spices and chemicals, if used correctly, solve everyday ups and downs. That is where many modern pay over the counter medicines originate. For instance, fizzy tummy ache medicine tablets? Citric acid, Tataric Acid, sugar and bicarbonate of soda. The ingredient that does the job is actually the Bicarb. If you bake, you have it. But on it's own, it's tastes rubbish. The other ingredients just make it look spectacular.

I tuck Rosemary and Lavender sprigs in my 13 year old's pillow when she can't sleep. I don't know all the chemicals (and compounds) involved, but I suspect the smell goes a long way to help.

~~~~~~~~

I have many more I'd like to share, a little at a time. If you have any concoctions or recipes you'd like to share too, feel free. I'm not interested in making money from it - heck, if I did, I wouldn't post about it. I'm more interested in sharing experiences. Besides, I checked. The market's flooded with rubbish :)

If you have some remedy that granny swore by, that works for you, please feel free to share.

Interesting.

Interesting article about the Crime writer PD James in the Uk Telegraph Today. Good read (linky)

Daft Animal

Meet Sigma. Don't ask me, I didn't name him. According to 'Er 'Indoors, she's Mummy, and I'm Daddy. I'm sure I'd remember producing that. Eek! Anyway's , this is his "Oooh, look, a camera", and "It wasn't me, honest" thingie dubire wotsit.



He's been sleeping like that for the last hour. I'm sure that my slippers being nearby, and that I said OY! just before Le Chien flopped like that is purely coincidental. :) Hmm. Looks like I've got some sweeping up to do. Again......


Here, he's picking up some tips from his favourite program, 'Dog Borstal'. Whether that's 'how to behave badly' or how to avoid me growling OY! at him is debatable.

More like "what the heck is that, and is it female?" Yup, he's 3 months, 3 weeks, and five days old, and he's discovered the ladies.

And I've just realised 'Er 'Indoors has got me talking dog. Shakes head in bewiderment. Woof, anyone?

Odd World.

People never cease to amaze me.

I've been accused by another Stroke Survivor of 'cheapening the impact' of strokes. More, "my overly positive portrayal of of the aftermath of strokes undermines disability issues" she goes on "how are we supposed to push forward the necessary changes in disability issues if you put an unnecessary positive spin on recovery?"

So I challenged her "How so? Stroke affects different people in different ways. The brain is a complex organ. Every stroke is different, I should know, I've had many."

"Yes", she replied. "I'm aware of that, but the disabilities can be crushing, the impact devastating, and depression invariably follows. If we duck away from that, we undermine a better deal for the cared for and the carers"

Ah. Now. Depression can affect anyone. But it's treatable, it's a mental illness with many causes. Mental illness is a different subject really. It, like any other mental illness, has a stigma attached to it (wrongly). I personally don't do it. Grumpy, yup. Depression, no. And it certainly isn't 'invariable'.

I'm lucky enough to look quite 'normal' . Hard to tell, admittedly. I look like a refugee from ZZ-Top. With a bit more white hair (I went grey in my 20's) But I'm working on that. I'm not going to go out of my way to spell out my disabilities, because I can't see that being productive. I prefer to refer to disadvantages only if I can offer solutions.

The Cause?. Ah, the 'disability movement'. I'm all for causes. Sometimes you have to bang on the door, ring on the bell, and rattle your ratchet and lobby at the gates of parliament for something you believe in. I'm o.k. with that. But I think being extreme just turns people away from any cause you're trying to promote.

I love colour, change, and the just plain silly. But you don't have a go at those with a similar heart, and, I'm gobsmacked that I could be pulled up for being positive.

I had no idea anyone can be "too positive". Blimey.

Cartoons

No, not posting one today :)

But I'm thinking of it. In fact, I'm thinking of doing a regular cartoon.

It's a strange old world. I just kinda toddle along, doing my own thing, rather empty-headed, to be honest.

Then I'm daft enough to leave a folder of sketches I do for my own amusement - mick takes on everyday life that tickle me. Then, well. I'm not a very sociable person. But 'Er Indoors most definitely is. Next thing I know a - I dunno? Flock? Gaggle? Pile. Yessum, pile of rather tizwazzed neighbours turn up, one with 'Er Indoors under her arm.

Yes. I did say 'her'. Shaz (name changed to protect myself) is a big, strong, lassie. Lovely lady. Heart of gold. But the kinda woman you say "Yes! Miss!" to. She lives two streets way, but you can still hear her putting her kids to bed. They go 'Wheeeeee THUMP". You can spot her fella's. They are the one's outside Doncatraz (South Yorkshire) hammering on the door to be let in, tripping over the wires on their hearing aids.

For the record, nowt wrong with big strong lassies. I was asked by The Boss to read her digital scales today. Unfortunately, they were upside down to me, and she hadn't got her glasses on. It was in Kilo's, and I mistook a 4 for a 9. I'll be alright in a minute.

Like I said. Heart of Gold. Loves my Bear to bits. So, when in the wee hours, it's just me, two cats, and the wuffler, I sketch. Neighbours found it. Now, I wasn't daft enough to use real names. But much merriment ensued, and I've had no death threats yet.............



Meanwhile (meanwhilst?) Bear wants me to post here some of my Penny Dreadful's. I'm not gonna describe what a Dreadful is, I'm sure there's a Wiki about them. I can't read a Wiki, it would affect my writing.

In my case, its..., umm, its... it's a celebration of the style of early mass produced detective novels, that usually begin "It was a cold night in the windy city". As one of my sisters say's, with some exaggeration, "She rolled her her eyes, he rolled them back..." Tart.

I once produced a blog of them, many moons ago, but got hammered by 'cease and desist' rubbish by American Lawyers. I'm much more rebellious nowadays. I'm willing to give it a shot. It's silly, it's fun, it's over the top. Worth it do you think?

Growing your own

I've grown my own veg, rather unsuccessfully I might add :(

My potatoes never got bigger than golf balls, Slugs clobbered my lettuce - though I was able to get my own back using the 'beer in half a plastic bottle' trick. They love the stuff! And you never know you have carrot fly unless you try to grow them. Last years yield? One. Sheesh.

More luck with the herbs - my Rosemary - couldn't kill it if I wanted to. Same with Lavender. I use that in cooking too. Same with Coriander. Until aged father-in-law decided to help out with some weeding, and destroyed it thinking it was a weed. The dog dug up my Thyme. Last year the cats did. I suspect the beer trick won't work with them.... Well, if I want to get on with the RCPCA it won't :) Garlic, though quite tiny, grows extremely well - though a bit 'leggy'.

Aye me.

But poor Tatties, slugged salads and dogged Thyme pales into insignificance to the spectacular failure of my Romenscoe Broccoli, cabbages, I thought they were supposed to be round? No they ain't. They go up.

And up. And up, and bloomin' well oop. I didn't know if you left cabbage long enough it turned into a six foot tall triffid. I've only grown my own for three years, and I've yet to grow anything vaguely roundish. Don't get me wrong. The leaves are still usable, just a bit tough and leathery, but since I'm brave enough to have a pretty good pressure cooker - it's ok-ish. Nice strong taste too, if you like that kind of thing.

I believe it's called 'bolting'. From the net, best I can work out is that it's caused by bad soil nutrition.

But I've composted for years, and I've got that down to a fine art. I have to - my garden is heavy clay, and I need to compost to get more nutrients in and provide drainage. I'd be grateful if someone has, or has read a solution. I dream of a nice, compact cabbage :)

Footnote. For two years, I've applied for an allotment from Sheffield council. The proviso, of course, is that it needs disabled access. Sometimes I need my wheels, sometimes I don't. Not complaining, it's just the way it is. But I get to do stuff in short bursts, and it doesn't take that many 'bursts' to get something done. All down to pride and attitude. My plan is to get an allotment, and do some raised beds. I mean like, at least 3 feet/ 1 metre.

Have I had a reply? I wrote, I emailed. 'Er indoors phoned (I don't do phones) Nope. Get back to me, they said to the missus. Have they? Heck no. I have a Stroked friend in Norwich pressing me to get into a disability rights organisation - but their into chaining themselves to railings and painting themselves red. Don't agree with their methods, (just plain silly). But I empathise.

For our American friends. An 'Allotment' is various patches of land, broken up into smaller patches, usually within a city, not suitable for building on. These are rented out at very tiny rents, so people can grow their own veg and or flowers for their own use or sell any excess to sell to local shopkeepers. I want into that.

They've become very popular recently. Credit crunch is the main reason cited for the popularity, but I've done a quick cost-up, and actually, it's cheaper to buy from a supermarket. I just want to do it for pleasure of it.