Elementary

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“WATSON, YOU PILLOCK!” he says.

“SOMEBODY'S STOLEN OUR TENT!”

Nah then.

I was asked today "What was the funniest situation you've been in?".

Gosh. Lots. Story of my life. Close second is being tripped up by a certain blind politicians dog - three times.

But the funniest?

A Psychologist losing his temper with me, within 3 minutes of meeting me.

I'd applied for a job, and part of the interview setup was having a word with a psychologist from HR (Human Resources). At the time, I'd become unemployed because I'd sold a successful business and made a little profit. I was bored, thought the idea of a regular paycheck was attractive and give me something to do.

He managed to vaguely annoy me withn 2 minutes. First, he had a sign his name on his desk in gold capital letters, ending in 'PHD'. Not 'Phd' which would be the norm. And you just don't have your name in capitals. It's shouting, and it's bad manners.

Secondly, he had me sit on a smaller, lower chair well forward of his massive desk and chair. That meant I had to look up at him - and I'm 6ft tall. Thirdly, he didn't even look at me. He concentrated on a blue folder of laminated sheets in front of him, turning them over after each, rushed, question.

That all said to me "This is my space and I dominate it, and everyone, in the room". It was obviously quite, quite deliberate.

So I stood up, pulled my chair to front of his desk, and leaned my elbows on his desk with a silly grin on my face. He paused, frowned, stuttered, flicked back a few laminates, repeated a few questions hesitantly, trying not to look at me. He failed.

He lost it. He jumped out of his chair and ranted away telling me I had to put the chair back and do as he said. After watching his antics silently for a couple of minutes, I started to laugh. Couldn't help myself. I laughed so loud people people put their heads around the office door to see what the racket was. The angrier he got, the funnier it was, and the more I laughed.

Y'see, he didn't appreciate the irony of it. A psychologist losing his cool because I wouldn't submit to his self-portrayed self image with someone who'd disrupted his routine........

I know it's very obtuse. But oh, golly, it was soooo funny :)

I was offered the job. But I turned it down. I'm sure I didn't need a prat like that looking over my shoulder.

Oh, the business I sold. In GB we called then 'Enquiry Agents' back then. Lost wives, husbands, debts, absconded criminals.

Wheelie, PI :)

What the Facebook?

I've people around me who use Facebook and/or Twitter a lot. I have a Facebook account, but I never use it. Never seem to get around to it.

All my neighbours use it. 'Er'indoors keeps in touch with, her friends in her home village and the local ladies - heck, she even chats to the woman next door - and we live in a semi.

Now and again the local ladies bring around their laptops and netbooks, have a drink and a natter and when I peek over their shoulders (I can do that, I have an uncanny knack of being invisible when I want to be) I find them talking to each other on - guess what? Facebook.

Yup. Side by side. Chatting. Playing Farmville. Pointing at each others screens, games and comments to each other, laughing and joking.

I've also seen en-mass hate attacks on individuals, arguments over men, and fall outs. And many, many misunderstandings.

In a nutshell, sites like Facebook, Twitter, Beebo and Myspace have become integrated into their collective social psyche. Their interactions on those sites have become as normal to them as nipping round for a cuppa - and I strongly suspect, have replaced that.

Is it just me, but is that just a little creepy?

I don't think it was a collective wish to do it, they seemed to drift into it.


The problem I have, is that whether it's a so-called social networking site, blogging or email, you can't beat face to face contact. Body language, a soft word and face is a major part of communicating.

That's why people can usually put down their computers and chat over a coffee and in their local bar.

Sure, have a laugh at work/café/pub/bar about who said what to whom, but fall out, and in some cases stalking or murders through Facebook (for instance).

Naw. Creepy.