Tuesday 7 October 2008

Two Wheels on my wagon....

It's about 2am Uk time, the family are all asleep. I'd like to say they're ALL in bed, but 11 year daughter ( "DON'T Call Me Tots, Pops! I'm Too Old Now!" ) has decided to crash out on a chair.

Heh, "don't call me Tots" indeed. I'll be calling her that when she's thirty, god willing. Our other two were just about to hit the 'terrible' teens when she surprised us with her appearance. That serves me right for marrying someone 10 years younger than me! (Only joking Pads -aka The Bear - honest :) ). Why do I call 'The Mrs' Pads? Because she looks like, and wears a hat like, Paddington Bear.

So its Totsies favourite blanket chucked over her - the purple one, not the 'scratchy' pink one I like :) All grown up eh? Chuckle!

It's so important to me, as a stroke survivor, to have my family around me. To be honest, if I didn't, I'd be looking to belong to some sort of community. I'd be totally lost alone.

Sure, I grumble, yup, I can be a bad tempered and cussed 'ol Wheelie, and yes, I love privacy. But I'd hate to devalue the support I have from family and friends. And gosh, I know who my friends are now. The friends I have now are the ones who insist on being my friend whether I like it or not.

Stroke-wise, I'm one of the lucky ones. My first was a cerebellar stroke - I think that's right - top of the brain stem, back of the head -there are two that sound the same, I can never get it right :) I fall over a lot :) subsequent ones have being smaller and left sided, which I sorta recover from, but the effect has been a lot of loss of permanent function on my right side.

Why? Who knows. Luck of the draw I guess.

But there's a dark side that people don't like to talk about. The periods of inexplicable confusion. I'm not 'allowed' out alone. Well, I suppose I could. But it wouldn't be wise. Does Bear complain she has to accompany me? Heck no - she complains I don't go out enough!

I can be doubly incontinent. Bear has never batted an eyelid. Just gets on with it. Always has. I can be embarrassed as I like - but as far as she's concerned, that's my problem, not hers :) So she's there cleaning me and - anything - up, and washing clothes - and well, you get what I mean.

The family won't allow me to eat alone, because they worry I'll choke. But they don't hover over me - they just make sure someone is there. Just in case.

I drop some something - whoosh, someone is there to pick it up. I can get mood swings, and she laughs with me when I'm 'up' and if I get tetchy, the worst reaction I'll get is a sticking out of the bottom lip and an owl-like stare..... I fall over, and the kids shout "hey Mum, Dads saying 'hello floor' again" And she's there. Sure she says "silly old sod", but she's there.

Enough for now. I realise in many ways I'm spoiled having people who care around me, and I'm often left feeling dreadfully selfish. But on the other hand, I'd say to anyone in a similar position, that it's good to strive to be independent, and work hard to be so. But its good to let go and appreciate the value of a caring community around you too.

Gotta go. Tots has kicked her 'blanky' off :)

ps (about 18 hrs later) You guys must think I'm awful not replying to comments. I'm not ignoring you, it's just I don't know what to say - except, thank you. Thank you very much.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Wheelie,
I had a good laugh while reading your Post "Two Wheels on my wagon..."
Boy do I appreciate your sense of humor, your attitude, and your honesty. I must add that I INSIST I BE YOUR FRIEND FROM FAR AWAY, whether you like or not! Please keep sharing yourself, I NEED YOU!
So Sincerely, Lori

Wheelie said...

Ta very much Lori. And I appreciate how tough it is to post, physically, that is, which is for some odd reason, people hate to talk about.

Which makes you double appreciated with me and mine. Respect.