Boots and Bra's

"Nice gloves, Mr. T" I said, as he sat beside me. "New are they". "No" he said, "I think my daughter left 'em when she visited". So I picked them up, checked the back of the washing label inside. Yup, thought so. 'Dray'. Handed them back to him. "Nice" I said.

Happens a lot, that does. Gloves, gardening gloves, Jeans, spanners, socket sets, power tools, even when they've been 'smart watered' and ultraviolet pen marked. Not, I hasten to add, just Mr T.

Once it was a boot. Just the one. That was quite comical. Watching someone limp and wobble in complaining their left foot was playing up, and listening to them grumble. It was worth it for the laugh, much to their annoyance. I let them have it.

I get annoyed about power tools. Power tools are important to me because I find using manual tools difficult.

At upwards of £150 for a decent hammer drill or flat sander, they can hardly be called cheap. In one famous instance, I whipped  out my ultraviolet lamp (yes, I have my very own ultraviolet lamp) and showed them. I'm told that, that night, they started some kind of Facebook campaign against me claiming I was accusing them of theft. I'm told (I don't do Facebook) they got 110 replies telling them to get stuffed. The following morning at 05:30 I heard a noise outside, and found half a black bag on the door step of bric-a-brac.

Now, that's social networking at it's finest. One ladies sock, anyone?

~~~~~

The best one, was the day a lady visited who, shall we say, is (cough!) a Renaissance woman. Umm,  Buxom? A fine figure of a woman? (waves hands vaguely in upper body area) A big strong lassie.

She asked to use the bathroom, which was nice that she asked, but a puzzle because we knew, that she knew, we have a downstairs loo. Most use that. Wheeliemanor is a two loo household, don't'cha'know. But what do I know? May she wanted a shower?

When she eventually emerged, 20 minutes later, she looked somewhat unwell. That is, she seemed to have acquired a marked and somewhat unfortunate deformation in the chest area. Bear and I glanced at each other, as couples do in an instant of unspoken communication.

Yeeup. When she eventually left, half an hour later, flustered because I couldn't keep my eyes off her chest, ("Dray, why do you keep staring at my tits?") we discovered two toilet rolls missing. She'd stuffed one in each bra cup.

I'm philosophical. Except for expensive power tools, there's no need to pinch. Heck, I get that people are embarrassed to ask. I know what it's like to be without tools - well, I do now. But anything else......?

Even a boot.