Monday 9 May 2011

Faggots.

As much as I love my mate Dazman, his taste in garden decor is like, gravel, wood flooring and paving.

Much like aged father-in-law. For instance, they both like my next door neighbours 'minimalist-plants-in-pots' style. Along with the recently bright yellow painted window sills. Reminds me of my student days.

If it stands still long enough, concrete it, is father-in-laws motto. I've warned Dazman not to stand still too long near him. Otherwise he might forget to polish his specs and think he's a tree. Messy. Worse, he might become a not unsubstantial garden gnome. THAT I'd like to see....

I feel a cartoon coming on..... :)

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Bear said we're getting a bit low in the fridge. Uhuh. I pointed out the freezer needs a good hunt through. It's packed. "But we have nowt in the fridge...". Okidoke. After 25 years I can spot a stubborn 'ead coming on from 25 miles away.

There's only one way out for a real man. It's "Yes Miss". I'm safe with that. I know the routine after that. It's a bit like getting a nit in the nether regions, but it beats The Bottom Lip. If you've never had The Bottom Lip, can I come and worship at your shrine please?

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Fridge it is then.

Doopy dooppy do. Hmmm. Eggs. It's true! Eggs for once! A rather aged carrot. Some rather wilted celery and leaves. Onion. Check. Some rather dubious looking bits of red and yellow pepper? Meh. Butter? Check. Some bits of cabbage stalk. Sorry. That's me that is. Hate waste. Mmm, peppery. Ooh look. Spring onion. A little celerac? That'll do me. A spud? A tomato, by gum, and half a tin of chick peas. Some rather sad looking garlic.

A bit of lamb liver, a couple of kidleys. Soz. Kidneys. One sad solitary steak. As it 'appen's I have cupboard full of dried herbs and spices. Sunflower oil, Virgin and Combined Olive oil, Hendersons Relish and Soy sauce.

Out in the garden, Rosemary, Thyme, Basil.

And no madam, it's not a weird omelette. Here we go.

Wheelie's Yorkshire Faggots

First the veg. Chop it up, and stick it in a pan with a little olive oil and butter. No water. The olive oil stops the butter burning as long as it's on a low heat. Put a lid on. Leave it, and let the flavour flood out. The moisture in the veg will keep it moist. Helps to stir occasionally. After five mins, throw in whatever herbs you have, and add as much water as you want, and some Hendersons and Soy sauce.

I tend to throw in some of my thousand year gravy and an Oxo too. Forget about it for a while.

After maybe 20 mins, leave the lid off. Let a skin form on top. Stir it in. Do it again. When you are happy, either push through a sieve, save the veg to make a soup, whatever.

I always have the last bit of a home made loaf on the go. Using whatever means you have, reduce it to bread crumbs. I use a wizzy-wig.

Finely chop the liver, kidney, and beef/pork. Very fine. The important thing is to get the mix of meats about equal quantities with bread crumbs. Feel free to add salt, pepper, and herbs to taste. Beat an egg, and stir it in.

The idea is that you're able to form meatballs, as big as you like. You might have to add more breadcrumbs. Leave in the fridge for half an hour.

Dip the Faggots in a little flour. Fry the Faggots in a little oil until browned all over. Put them in an oven dish, with the stock, covered tightly with foil and cook on a Gas Mark 4 for at least 45 mins.

Now you know why people prefer ready meals ;)

4 comments:

Rarelesserspotted said...

Great post - always very entertaining and enlightening. The faggots sound interesting but whilst I LOVE food, there is one I don't like and that's kidneys. Liver - no problem, but kidneys? No thanks. Still as long as you enjoy, they sound delightful.
XX

Paula RC said...

Your posting put a big smile on my face. I saw a box of garden gnomes at a carbooty my MBL & I went to, but I didn't buy them. I have my own fairies at the bottom of my garden and they not very keen on fake ones.

Can't wait to see your cartoon

Wheelie said...

Hmm, RLS - I'm going to have to twiddle with that recipe to omit the kidneys, but maintain the favour.

Guess who had a chemistry set as a kid ? Thank you for your your kind words :)

Wheelie said...

Thanks Jarmara - I'm working on that cartoon. The Family have been bugging me for yonks to scan some in and post them :)

My 14 years old, Arty Miss "I'm too old to be called Tots now", is well into faerie folk.

Mind you, she looks like one. I'll see if she'll let me post some of her work :)