Bookends

"Why do raise your voice to your wife? It's not like she's deaf, is it?" he said.

I'm sure, despite the bad tempered delivery, and the attempt at a rhetorical question, they meant well. Humph.

Putting aside that (a) No-one tells me off, not even The Bear, and (b) how I talk to my missus is between her and I....

Well, yes. As it happens, She is. Very. Totally deaf in one ear, and only 10% hearing in the other. Which is why, when she has her back to me, I tap her on the shoulder if I need to speak to her. Why when she uses a phone, to get her attention, I often have to flap around a bit if I need to get her attention.

She always uses road crossings, because she can't hear which direction traffic is coming from. She often appears inattentive and 'ignorant'. She doesn't mean to offend. She just doesn't know you're there.

Even Sigma The Dog learned very quickly to ask me, to ask her, if he wants walkies. Bright young chap that dog.

And yup, I do raise my voice. The hearing she has got is clearer in lower frequencies, and I have a 'Barry White' voice and 25 years practice. From day to day, she is able to function quite normally.

More amazing, she's also pitch perfect with a great love of music. Have you ever met those really annoying people who can pick up absolutely any instrument and play it? Play an out of tune piano or guitar, in tune, without retuning it? Meet the Bear :) It's called savant auto-transposition by the way.

Naturally, she can sing like an angel too.

She doesn't consider herself in anyway disabled. Her deafness is a result of an illness as a very young child, and she can't remember things being any different. So much so, she doesn't think about it, and doesn't tell anyone. I can't say I blame her. Some of the loveliest people, once they're told, talk to her as though she's somewhat dim.

Bear is very sharp, very on the ball, highly intelligent and very well qualified. For many years, she had a successful career in the Civil Service. As she says, deafness can have a plus side - she isn't easily distracted :)

I really wish she would tell people sometimes though. Most people are bright enough to pick up the little clues - the TV being that little bit loud, or that you need to get her to face you to talk to her.

But now and again you get the odd one who seems totally clueless.

Like she says, you can't tell just by just looking at someone, can you? She's much more patient with the clueless ones than I am. So remember. If you hear a raised voice, it may well not be in anger or disrespect.........

A deafy and strokey eh? Interesting combination, yes? Chuckle!