Santa said 'Bloody 'eck'

Well, that was close.

I like to do the Santa bit, if only a little. Just need the moth eaten reds and sack'o'stuff.  Don't need the make up or false beard or anything.

Policeman doing a door to door about a local burglary. He thought perhaps they may have crossed my garden when they escaped. Naw. My zoo would ravage 'em. Then he blinked and stared. "You wouldn't be doing the Santa bit this year?" Thinking of it, I said.

"Umm" he said, looking a bit embarrassed "Have you done your CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) check?" No, I explained. Never felt the need because I'm not employed to do it. It's a friends thing. "Perhaps you should, though it's a bit late now. Takes a couple of months....?"

Their all my friends y'know. If Santa wasn't, what would be the sense in it?

For non Brits, a criminal records bureau check is required for anyone who works, either employed or voluntary with under 18's or vulnerable adults. For every work you may do you need to reapply. It can get quite expensive, and every time it can take, as the chap said, at least a couple of months. There are two levels of check, depending on the job.

SANTA needs a CRB check !? Bloody heck.

Then I had a brainwave.

Did you ever see Father Christmas young man? (I had to sneak the 'young man' thing in).

"No" he said smiling "No, I never did" Never out of the corner of your eye? Heard a door shut quietly? How about sneaking downstairs and waiting?  Did you ever stay awake to see him? Hide behind a lit up Christmas tree?

"Yeh" he said smiling. "Yeh, I did. Night mate" He shook my hand and walked away.