This was originally a reply to a comment, but I decided it was such an important point, it was worth a post.
Gaining independence is tough. Your stuck between a rock and a hard place.
On one hand, you need the support of the loved and be loved, on the other hand, telling them to back off a bit to give you time to think and work things out feels awful.
After all, they're only trying to be loving and helpful. But often by doing so - they aren't being either, bless them. But you don't want to alienate them. I have to admit, it's something I can do without.
It doesn't help that brain attacks affects everyone in different ways, and they seem to have an image of someone who loses their intelligence. Yes, sometimes, and often, to some extent that CAN be true, but not always and not all the time......
A distant relative, who I've not seen for some years died recently at an advanced age. I was shocked at a photo I was shown of him about a year before he died. He'd had a left sided stroke 10 years before. He'd been a strong, well built but not overweight man, and very active and very sociable.
The photo I was shown was of a man who'd become a shadow. Thin, Anorexic, uncommunicative, Talking to his carer, his daughter, she confirmed he'd "given in". He didn't "want to know".
It's hard to decide whether it's a lack of family support - though his immediate family tried their best - was it enough? A lack of support from social services ? Medic support? Maybe even prejudice?
My view it was bit of everything. So be on guard. Be important to yourself. Love, and be loved, and however hard it is, don't demean yourself.
2 comments:
good advice. I'm really enjoying reading your blog!
That was such an honest and important Post Wheelie. After my Brain Attacks, I felt helpless and hopeless. My caretaker babied me and I did not want to do anything for myself, in fact I was incapable of doing anything for myself. A far cry from the INDEPENDENT FEMALE that I had been all of my life.
My caretaker, (MY LOVING HUSBAND MATT) finally realized he wasn't doing me any good by babying me, so he started to practice Tough Love and that was the best gift I've ever been given. I started slowly, just trying to wash a dish every now and then. He had taken over all the household chores, the bill paying, care of our animals and care of me.
It will be three years on October 20th since I had my first Brain Attack, and the independence I had always treasured, has returned in inumerable ways. I cannot express how GRATEFUL I am, and I wake up smiling every day. My deficits are very tiny compared to some others and I continue to conquer my brain WITH my brain (and of course my strong will and encouragement of those who love me) on a daily basis!
Your friend created by the enemy of brain attack, Lori
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