"Take yer eye out, that will"
Miles away I was. In a revere, as they say. I was busy trying to think of caption to a quick 'toon I'd just done of Bear shovelling 6" of ice off the front path. Love to see a good strong Yorkshire woman wield a shovel. Nowt better. Ahum.
She'd gone bonkers because I'd had a 'hello floor' moment on the path while trying to get Siggy The Idiot Dog in. Shovel, ripple, chuck, curse. Shovel, ripple, chuck, curse.
Ye small gods, she ain't 'alf sexy when she's mad......"I SAID, TAKE YER EYE OUT"
Ouch. Errrr.. Tried the 'puppy eyes'. Well, as close as you can when your in your fifties. I probably looked like I was about to have a nasty personal accident.
It works for the dog, dammit. "Yes dear?"
I realised why it was so cold. The front door was open. Its minus 2 C. She was in next doors garden. From their eves, 20 feet up, hangs a gynourmous 6 foot icicle. Underneath, was an indignant Bear, Paddington hat on, hands on hips, glaring upwards.
"Er, well, sweets, darlin', petal, do you think it's a good idea to, um...." She ignored me. "That's bloody dangerous that is. That could come crashing down at any time, that could."
"Yeah" I said. "Do you think standing there is, um.."
Nope. Not interested. "I mean, if someone should walk into Christine's garden, and just happened to be standing underneath it, I mean, it would go straight through them, wunnit?"
"Ah, na'then, Bear now you menti...."
"What are you lookin' at me like that for? They should do something about that, they should. Can you reach it?"
"No petal". "Well, don't stand their looking like an idiot, put the kettle on. Some people."
A wise man has only one answer in circumstances like this. It's (but not aloud).