Witchypoo.

In suddenly occurred to me as I bashing away with my trusty mortar and pestle that it wasn't too long ago I would probably be accused of witchcraft.

They'd probably be right.

Bloke down the road has had some front teeth roots removed, false teeth fitted, and as result was in pain and had developed an infection. So he was given antibiotics and painkillers. I'm not sure what annoys him more. His discomfort, or the 15 quid it costs him for the prescriptions.

"Can I have some of your famous tooth ache mix Wheelie?" Ah. The toothache mix.

It's horrible, I told him. "Don't care". Gross, I told him "Don't bloody care". You need to keep taking the prescription I told him. He pulled a face. "I tried bonjella" Ah. Localised pain. Any good? "Hell no". I'm not a medic mate. "I don't bloody-well-care-alright?" Sigh.

Toothache, I'd normally say go to the chemist, be good, pay up, and buy, yeah, buy, some clove oil. But I had a quick look, discovered some week old packing well past it's use-by date - no wonder it was infected. Removed it. He's got classic denture rub too.

So I've done a deal. He visits me three times a day with his Amoxicillin and co-codamol. He takes them in front of me. And in return he gets to rinse with my 'magic tooth mix". I don't charge :)

So what is this magic mix? Kitchen cupboard chemistry.

1/2 tsp Ground cloves.

The active ingredient. Today a dentist will still use clove oil. It's 15 bob a pop at the chemist, but an 'infusion' of ground cloves in hot water for a few hours does the same job. It tastes horrible. But after the initial shock, it's an effective localised painkiller. Never, ever gargle with it. You have been warned.

A pinch of Chilli powder.

Yep, you read that right. The active ingredient of chilli's is capsaicin (8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide if you're into biochemistry) Doesn't that give a burning sensation? Oh, yes. Briefly. As anyone who likes a good con-carne will tell you, the nerve endings dull afterwards. It enhances the rapid effect of the clove.

Pinch of Salt.

Salt has long been used to keep things sterile. On it's own, it's a useful gargle for sore throats and a rinse for cuts, and to bathe cuts and burns. Common name, Sodium Chloride. It stings initially. Not to be gargled in this context though.

A good spoonful of Honey

Taste? Certainly. But Honey is a natural antibiotic. It's been used, like, forever, to pack wounds in battle, in poultices. The Romans used it extensively for hundreds of years, and something they no doubt learned from us more civilised Brits.

Flavouring. Anything you like. As I said, without it, it tastes 'orrible. I use lemon juice and a teeny bit of sugar. Almond oil or vanilla seems popular. Not essential.

Stick the lot in a jam jar, add water hot enough to touch, put on a lid, shake vigorously. Remove lid, allow to cool, replace lid, and over a couple of days shake now and again. Rinse, not gargle. This stuff never seems to go off. Naturally.

Warning.

Why not gargle? Because the action of the cloves will catch the back of the throat, and cause a gag reflex which will make breathing difficult. I know, I've done that. Not good.

I'm a - whatever I am, and you try stuff like this at your own risk,