A least..

"At least" said Bear "You didn't say 'I told you so'. But then, you never do."

No. No sense in doing that.

I'd met someone, an unexpected visitor, and after a shaking of hands, and no more than a minutes chat, I knew where he was at, where he was coming from, and worse, where it was going to. It wasn't good. Bear was in the kitchen making coffee, so I excused myself and asked Bear to quickly jot down some notes for me.

He's highly intelligent, highly motivated, well qualified and seemed to know his stuff.

Then I returned and, gently as could, dropped a few hints and tried to steer him a direction based entirely on my - I dunno what to call it. It's as real to me as though I'd heard it. "Hang on" he kept saying "How do you know that?". Poor chap went quite pale.

I don't know. I never have. When they leave, I have a personal check box system I go through to make sure I've not picked up info from someone or someone else - which is good business practise after all. I rarely need to.

Not been wrong yet. That gut sense? Can I call it that? has served me well for many years, and I've enough confidence to go with it.

About Mmm.. 15 % are not-so-good. This poor chap chose to ignore me. He's on Jobseekers now, and refuses to talk to me. Can't say I blame him :(

More, some of his friends have phoned to tell me I was supposed to help him and I'll "Never work again". Ah, y'see, that's where they're wrong......

#Beartales

You'd think think after... er.... 26 years of marriage? I would have learned never, ever get into a conversation with The Bear about weight loss.

Bear's just been for a regular medical, and came bouncing in full of beans because she's lost 4 lb in weight, and her blood pressure was 119/60. Spot on.

Since she now knew her weight according the doctors scales, she brought the scales from the bathroom down and weighed herself again on those. We had suspected ours 'weighed over'. Correct, by 2 lbs.

Pleased as punch, she insisted I weighed myself - I've been dieting for weeks - and I'd lost 16 lbs english - 1 stone 2 lbs in the same period she'd lost 4lb.

It went downhill from there. This led to a discussion about Body Mass Index. I'm 10 years older than The Bear, and exactly a foot taller. My BMI is 26.2 at present. Bear's is 32.6.

It works like this.....

• Underweight = <18.5
• Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
• Overweight = 25–29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

So she says, "Cool, I only need to lose a couple of points down to about 30".

I guess if you've read my blogs you've realised I have a compulsive logical streak. Which can be good?

Any reasonable person would have smiled and said "Yes'm" and found an excuse to be busy. Oh, no. Not me. I was reminded what Bears REALLY do in the woods. Fell Giant Redwoods with their teeth.

~~~~

To be fair, as my GP explained to me awhile back, BMI is being phased out in the UK. It led to inequalities, such as Firemen, Policemen, Rugby players and weight training athletes being suspended from their work and ordered to lose weight because they were classed by BMI as overweight.

It's being replaced by a method that measures limb, tummy and height measurements, tum being the important one. Called Body Fat Measurement (BFM) it finds out how much of your body is fat.

A Rugby player can have a BMI of 35 (see table above) but have a healthy BFM of 15-18% or less.

Bear hasn't been checked for that. Mine is 22%. Way to go yet :)

~~~~

Blabbering idiot that I am, I said something nice. I said, "Bear if I wanted to marry some skinny little thing, I would have done? Wouldn't I? I married a Bear with all the right bumps in the right places?"

"Bear?"

"What? What?"

What?

~~~~~

Bear is complaining I don't publish #Beartales on Twitter any more. (@wheelieslug) She says it was really funny. So, looking at her carefully over my reading glasses, I said "Oh, beloved, may your knicker drawer never be infested by the fleas of a thousand camels, you do know that #Beartales is you, don't you?"

"Yes dear" she replied, looking at me as though I was somewhat dim. "But I like it". I think

I'll have to have a lie down......

Jams again

I don't have a family and pets. I have yo-yo's. In, out, in, out... I really should learn to use a lasso, no'kiddin'.

My fridge and freezer are full of fruit - Damsons, more Damsons, Apples (various) Plums, pears, grapes plus stuff 14 year old (don't call me TOTS!) brings home.

Thanks Jamie Oliver. Not.

:)

~~~~

I have a super-efficient frost free fridge freezer, so the stuff in there will last over winter, if necessary. The downside is that the fridge keeps itself frost-free by keeping the air cold and dry. That means I have to make regular fridge checks for stuff like grapes and veg that don't have the moisture dried out of them.

Soft fruits such as grapes, plums and Damsons can end up like a grand-dads bum. Before I get a storm of protest, I'm reliably informed I may well be a Great-grandfather. As for the carrots - I'll keep my imaginative descriptions to myself. Ahum.

~~~~

So what to do with the wrinkle's? Quick and easy is Jam. And yup, that includes veg too. Carrot jam is surprisingly nice, particularly if you throw in a handful of raisins. G'won, give it a shot.

Equal amounts of fruit to sugar. Jam needs pectin to set. You can get that from apples, lemon zest, lemon juice, damsons amongst others. You can buy pectin or Jam Sugar from a supermarket, but to me that defeats the object - the idea is to save money.

Put a saucer in the fridge. Put a jar and lid in the oven at about gas mark 1 - approx 100/120 C.

Boil the fruit in a couple of spoonfuls of water until it becomes watery and perhaps beat it to death with a potato masher :) Add your sugar and lemon juice. Boil it up until it comes to a froth. Turn it down. After about ten minuets, keep an eye on the side of the pan. Is it sticking?

Grab the saucer from the fridge. Put a spoonful on the saucer, and let it to cool. If you can shove it with your finger, and it's slow to spring back, it's set.

If you want to cheat, drop a couple of jelly cubes in it.

But that assumes you don't mind jam being a bit runny :)

When you're happy with it, pour it into the HOT jar and screw the lid on. Leave to cool.

The one I've made up from left-overs in the fridge today made about a pound of jam, and it ended up being slightly runny with big jammy lumps in it. Ok, it's not like a supermarket jam, but Bear says it's gorgeous.

I can't I'm diabetic. But if Paddington Bear says it's cool, hey, who's going to argue?

Open all hours

An owner of a local shop popped by for a chat today - he delivers, free of charge to anyone within 2 miles as long as the order is over £10.

That's what his advertising says.

In reality he keeps an eye on the elderly, ill and disabled, and makes sure they have everything they need. He makes sure they have food in, and that if they have difficulty cooking, someone can do it for them. If he can't provide, he knows a-man-who-can.

In his freezer in the back of his shop, he keeps a secret stash of ready-meals that his wife and daughters cook, that he likes to surprise people with for free. He's quite famous for walking into a home and saying cheekily "C'mon missus, where's that cooker, lets get this this crap warmed up!" in a rather silly sounding broad Yorkshire accent.

When I was ill not long back, when he saw The Bear was a bit fed up when she went to his 6am 'till 10:30 shop, he shoved one into her hand, telling her " 'Ere you are Old Bear, that'll put some lead in 'is pencil". It's only when she got home and looked at the receipt she realised he had scribbled on the bottom "No charge for the pickmeup xx"

Pick me up? It nearly blew my bloomin' head off...... :)

At Christmas, he pops in a bottle of white wine in for "his ladies" and "something a bit stronger" for "his gentlemen"

Amrik ("call me Mick") has done handsomely having a business model like that. So has his daughter Meeka ("call her Mick too!") a couple of miles away, and his other daughter Nina runs her businesses the same way.

"Nowt t'do with business" he insists firmly. "It's our way. Family first. If I didn't do it, who would they have?"

Last Christmas the local Tenants and Residents Association (TARA) decided to provide enough for the over 65's from their funds from contributions to ensure they had food for Christmas dinner. A chicken, tinned fruit and condensed milk, sunflower oil, tinned salmon and soups, tinned potatoes and carrots, gravy cubes and Christmas pud, tinned ham, that sorta thing.

They held a meeting to discuss it, and a buffet was provided by a local English owned Chinese takeaway business. For that buffet, they were presented with a bill for £1,500 pounds. For less than 50 people, and £500 over budget. When they refused to pay the extra £500, the proprietor complained loudly to the local council yelled at TARA meetings and made all sorts of dire threats. His shop is now closed. Boycotted, if you like :)

'Mick' on the other hand, provided everything for the over 65's at wholesale cost, no profit to him. As long as someone else did the delivery. But on Christmas Eve he was out on his rounds, checking his "Ladies and Gentlemen" had everything they needed.

And he was open Christmas Day.

~~~~

Now, an Asda has opened 15 minutes away, as The Bear wombles. Next door to my daughters school, and 5 mins from my sons home. (The pupils are banned). Heck is it cheap. And ye small gods, it's open 24 hours.

We've used a Tesco Express, 10 mins. away by bus now and again. Across the road from the doctors, and convenient for milk, salad stuff and Oxo's.

~~~~

I was explaining that to Amrik (Mick) perhaps with a tinge of conscience. He explained.

"I own that bit of land at the bottom - the pub that was demolished after a riot 25 years ago? I'm waiting for planning permission to come through. There'll be houses, flats and shops."

"I own the gym, dance studio, furniture shop, pet shop, fishing tackle shop and I've done a deal with the chippy"

"Don't think the big supermarkets can do what we do. If I was worried about competition, I wouldn't do it."

He's got a point. The Big Boy competition spends millions on it's advertising, appealing to petrol buying, car driving customers. Yet their a tiny proportion of the population. More, their a proportion of the population who spend more on petrol getting to a supplier than they'll spend over a week. Daft. The lost legs generation.

The size of the car park of the local new Asda is bigger than the store. Crazy.

Take a walk to a local shop. Stop, chat, and you'll be surprised how much you'll save.

So then....

What's all this fiddlin' and grumping and fruits and pickling stuff got to do with being a stroke survivor?

'Cause thanks to lots of love and and an internet connection I found life after stroke.

It's no way been entirely positive - I kid you not. When the ol' bod stopped doing as it was told, and I spent a long time struggling with a brain - and I have to admit - a mind, that frustratingly battled through a fog to to do the simplest of things.

Worse, I remembered how I USED to be very clearly. That made me very very angry. Which helps. Well, ok. That didn't make me very popular. But it was right for me. Probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. I've always been driven to some extent, and had the attitude of "Don't let the buggers get you down".

I deliberately changed the direction of my life. I was loved, and I still am, but my focus was outside myself. I was secondary to me. Being forced into a position where I had to work on me changed my perspective.

I realised I was important, if only to myself, ultimately. And that's a Good Thing.

I went on to achieve little goals one at a time. To me, that's made my new found self worth justified.

Does that make any sense?

While I think about it...

Should you try your hand at making chutney, be warned that because you're cooking with hot vinegar, it will pong, and the smell is really pervasive so you'll need a window open.

The vinegars should be 5% vol. Anything stronger will drown all the other ingredients. Any weaker and it won't preserve.

Spoon or pour the hot chutney into hot jars.

You can quite happily add gin, vodka, whisky, or bourbon for flavour, but the long cooking time will drive off the alcohol so it won't help with preservation. Stirring a couple of tablespoons into each jar when the chutney has cooled is the way around that.

Don't use brass, copper or aluminium pans. The acid in the vinegar and fruit will dissolve some of the metal and taste very unpleasant. I found stainless steel just fine.

Mega-tips. It's fine to re-use old, clean jars. You can buy waxed disks to help prevent jam or chutney touching the lid. I've used greaseproof paper successfully.

Age it. Chutney really should be thought of as a long term preserve. The taste improves wonderfully if its stored in a cool dark place for 3 months.

Chutneys last - officially - for a year. Bear is still using a batch of chutney, piccalilli and pickled onions I made 3 years ago with no ill effects.

Have to admit I'm not that brave :)

Preserves part1

Having the same problem as Jamie - Sorta. My three year old apple tree hasn't borne any fruit yet, but neighbours trees have.

I think Yorkshire generosity works in strange ways. We like a deal, and we hate waste, but give freely. The end result is I've been given loads of apples, on the condition Bear bakes a big apple pie or two, or I make some chutney. I'm cool with that. Then the 'middle man' who gets the fruit for me wants his pies and chutney too :) That's fine too.

But on the other hand, he tells me, the neighbours are grumbling their so overburdened with fruit on their bushes and trees they don't know what to do with it. But they don't want to give it away because they're worried about being taken advantage of.

~~~~

So I've said, look. Don't let it go to waste. The Americans have this thing called 'yard sales'. It's an excellent concept. Just let friends know that your selling fruit off, at the same as/or less than supermarket prices, put it in boxes, weigh it out in pounds or kilos, and stand outside your house and sell it.

More, you can turn it into jams, jellies, and chutneys and make a nice profit. Of course, you need to spend money on vinegar, sugar, raisins and spices. But if people like it, you can cost it up, add 20% profit, and provide people with something local that'll be very nice for Christmas

I'm, at heart, a freegan, a forager. I like to know where our food comes from, and since it's a big part of the budget, it's a cheap or free. So make chutney!

~~~~

A good chutney can last 3 years. Surprisingly long isn't it?

So you have veg and or fruit that getting a bit past it's use by date. Those carrots that are getting a bit soft, the cauliflower that looks a bit yellow? Bruised and soft apples or pears?


The Basics of a good chutney. Use:-

A third by proportion to the fruit you have of onions.
A third by proportion to the fruit you have of dates or raisens/mixed fruit or a combination therof
A half of the weight of the fruit in sugar.
A third by volume of a vinegar to the fruit. It's easier if you think in ml and grams.
So if you have 300 grams of fruit and/or veg, use 100 ml of any vinegar - preferably at least 5% vinegar (it'll tell you on the botttle or jar) It can be red or white wine vinegar, malt or cider, or good old chip shop as long as it's 5% or greater.
Spices, salt and pepper to taste, but generally half a teaspoon to each 1.5kilo/3lb 5oz of fruit or veg

Try turmeric, mustard seed or powder or from a jar , chillies or chilli powder, chopped garlic and mixed spice. Experiment! Note :- Mustard when heated mellows considerably.

~~~~

Chuck it into a pan, and cook until you can draw a line across the surface or the bottom of the pan until the fluid only fills the gap very slowly. About and hour and a half.

Avoid Brass or Aluminium pans. The acids will 'pull' a metallic taste into the chutney.

~~~~

Jars should be sterilised in a preheated oven for half an hour at Gas Mark 1, about 125 C, or straight from the dishwasher. Top them up to the very top, and put vinegar proof lids on. I make my own greaseproof caps, and screw a sterilized lid on.

This kind of chutney should be left in a cool dark cupboard or fridge for three months for maximum flavour. In other words - make it now for Christmas.

For presents or personal use, a Kilner jar is excellent, but if it's for resale, the expense isn't justified.

Catchya :)

Gee Wiz

I'll update this post with pictures when things have become less busy.

Apple Corer-Peeler-Slicer arrived today. Victorian invention. Very useful when you have a lot to do. Since a lot of it is wing-nuts, with a simple adjustment it can do a peel but not core thing, which is cool. Took me approx 4 seconds to do an apple or a tatty. No electricity required. Well worth the £18 I paid for it.

~~~~

Sigh. Lass next door this morning complained to Bear that the dog barked. And that we were banging about. And that Tots and her mate were screeching. So I checked the date. As fellas do.

We've been in this semi for 12 years. The disadvantage of living in a semi-detached is that you get to hear stuff you'd prefer not to. It's just a fact of life. So in those 12 years we've had three neighbours who have had to move on for various reasons.

We don't complain. Never have. We're used to it. Not this monkey. Dogs Bark. Kids make noise. Fact of life. So she's going to complain to somebody or other. Her hubby's a nice bloke, he works on meals on wheels during the day, and Pizza deliveries at night.

They went for a pub meal earlier. So now I have for the umpteenth time Grease hammering through my wall. And doubtless going to start yet another hate campaign on Facebook.

Meh, it's childish.